Start small and concrete. Pick one area of your life where you can act, decide the next step and exactly when you will take it, and keep a record of whether you did. The research suggests the feeling of being in control tends to follow action rather than come before it. If-then plans, which name when and where you will act, had a medium-to-large effect on reaching goals across 94 tests[6], and in depression, a treatment built on scheduling small, rewarding activities did about as well as cognitive therapy[4]. Waiting to feel in control before you act tends to get the order backwards.
Below is what psychologists mean by control, why it slips, which planning methods have the best evidence, and six steps you can take today.
What does it mean to take control of your life?
In psychology, it usually means believing that what happens to you depends at least partly on what you do. Julian Rotter described this in 1966 as locus of control. People with a more internal locus tend to see the rewards in their lives as following from their own behavior, while people with a more external locus tend to see them as the result of luck, chance or fate[1].
Two points are easy to miss. Locus of control is a spectrum, not a type, so most people sit somewhere in the middle and shift between areas of life. It also describes what you expect, not how much control you actually have. Someone in a precarious job may be accurate, not pessimistic, in feeling that their income is partly out of their hands.
Does feeling in control actually matter?
It is linked to mental health, though the link runs in both directions. A meta-analysis covering more than 40 years of research combined 152 samples with 33,224 adults in 18 cultural regions. A more external locus of control was moderately associated with symptoms of depression (r = .30) and anxiety (r = .30)[2].
The same study found that the link with anxiety was weaker in more collectivist societies (r = .20) than in more individualist ones (r = .32), and its authors note that an external outlook does not carry the same negative meaning everywhere[2]. These are correlations. They cannot show that an external outlook causes distress, since feeling low can also make the world seem less controllable.
Why does life feel out of control?
After a long run of stress you cannot escape, feeling stuck may be the brain's default rather than a flaw in your character. That is the conclusion of Steven Maier and Martin Seligman, who discovered "learned helplessness" in animal experiments in the 1960s. Looking back 50 years later, they wrote that the original theory "got it backward". Passivity in the face of prolonged, uncontrollable stress is not learned; it is the default reaction. What is learned is control: when an animal detects that its actions make a difference, a region of the prefrontal cortex switches the passive response off[3].
Most of this evidence comes from animal studies, and the authors present its implications for human depression as speculation. The practical idea is still useful. If a hard year has left you feeling flat and stuck, the way back is likely to run through experiences of making a difference, even small ones, rather than through persuading yourself to feel more in charge.
Can you change how much control you feel?
The strongest evidence comes from treatments that change what people do first. Behavioral activation, sometimes called activity scheduling, asks people to track their mood and activities and gradually add more rewarding ones. A 2007 meta-analysis of 16 trials with 780 participants found a large effect on depression compared with control conditions (0.87), about the same as cognitive therapy, and the benefits held at follow-up[4]. A 2014 update of 26 trials with 1,524 participants also found it clearly better than control conditions, though most of the studies were of low quality and follow-up periods were short[5].
These trials were in people with depression, so they do not prove the same method works for everyone who feels stuck. What they support is the order of operations: you do not need to feel motivated before you act, because doing something small and worthwhile is one of the more reliable ways to start feeling better.
Which planning methods have the best evidence?
Setting a clear goal helps, and turning it into an if-then plan and tracking it each help further. The figures below come from different reviews measuring different outcomes, so compare them loosely.
| Approach | What you do | What the studies found |
|---|---|---|
| Set a goal | Name a specific, challenging target | 141 papers, 16,523 people: a small effect (d = .34), larger when the goal was difficult or set publicly[9] |
| If-then plan | "If it is 8am on Monday, then I open the bank app" | 94 tests: medium-to-large effect on reaching goals (d = .65)[6] |
| Plan for the obstacle | Picture the goal, then the main obstacle, then an if-then plan for it | 21 studies, 15,907 people: small to medium effect (g = 0.34), with signs of publication bias[8] |
| Track progress | Record what you did, on paper or in an app | 138 studies, 19,951 people: d = 0.40, larger when progress was written down or shared[10] |
If-then plans, which researchers call implementation intentions, have the deepest evidence. Peter Gollwitzer and Paschal Sheeran found that they helped people get started, stay on track despite distractions and drop strategies that were not working[6]. A 2025 update covering 642 tests found effects ranging from d = .27 to .66 across thoughts, feelings and behavior, and larger effects when plans used an if-then format, when people were highly motivated and when they rehearsed the plan[7]. For why plans like this work better than relying on willpower, see our post on why willpower fails.
How do I take control of my life, starting today?
Choose one thing you can act on, shrink it to a first step and give that step a time and place. In more detail:
- Write down what is weighing on you, then sort each item into one of two lists: things you can act on this week and things you cannot. Pick a single item from the first list.
- Shrink it to a first step you could finish in about 10 minutes, such as listing your bills rather than "sorting out money".
- Turn that step into an if-then plan with a time and place: "If it is 8am on Monday and I have made coffee, then I open the bank app and list every bill."[6]
- Name the obstacle most likely to stop you and add a second plan for it: "If I run late on Monday, then I do it at lunch."[8]
- Schedule one activity this week that gives you a sense of pleasure or achievement, such as a walk with a friend or fixing something that has been broken for months.[4]
- Record what you did, on a paper calendar or in a note, and look back at it each week. Writing progress down, or telling someone about it, made tracking more effective.[10]
Repeat the cycle with the next item once the first step feels routine. Some people like a quiet moment first to work out what matters. Whitespace is a self-guided meditation app that speaks: you bring the intention, and it writes and voices a meditation for exactly that. It also turns each meditation's takeaways into small real-world steps and goals, which can serve as the first step in point 2.
What if the problem really is outside my control?
Then the aim is an accurate picture, not a heroic one. Some constraints are real, such as illness, discrimination, a local job market or other people's choices, and believing you control everything turns setbacks into self-blame. The more useful habit is to separate the parts of a situation you can influence from those you cannot, and put your effort into the first. The cross-cultural research is also a reminder that an external outlook is not always a sign that something is wrong: its link with anxiety was weaker in societies that put less weight on personal agency[2].
If low mood has lasted for weeks, or it is getting in the way of work, sleep or relationships, talk to a doctor or therapist. Behavioral activation is an established treatment for depression that a trained clinician can guide you through, and the steps above are not a substitute for care.
Questions people ask
What is locus of control?
It is the degree to which you expect outcomes in your life to depend on your own actions (internal) or on luck, chance and fate (external). Julian Rotter introduced the idea in 1966. It describes an expectation, not the amount of control you actually have.
Can you change your locus of control?
It is usually measured as a fairly stable trait, but research on learned helplessness suggests the sense of control is learned through experiences of making a difference. Small actions you can see the results of, repeated over weeks, are the practical route.
What is the first step to taking control of your life?
Choose one thing you can act on this week and write an if-then plan for it: "If it is [time and place], then I will [action]." A meta-analysis of 94 tests found that plans like this had a medium-to-large effect on reaching goals.
How do I take control of my life when I feel depressed?
Start with one small activity that gives you a sense of pleasure or achievement, and schedule it. That is the basis of behavioral activation, which did about as well as cognitive therapy in trials. Persistent low mood is worth raising with a doctor or therapist.